Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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