im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
