Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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