and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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