Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
