i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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