i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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