Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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