So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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