haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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