i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
