I just gift wrapped bread.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
