Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
