I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
