if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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