My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
