I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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