hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You need a sexual gate keeper
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
