wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
