carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
