matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
