i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
