Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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