He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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