he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
