Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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