A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
