oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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