the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
