it hurts more in the daytime
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
