I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
