i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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