well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
