Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
