What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
