So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
