toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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