Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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