my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize