I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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