I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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