I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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