I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
