i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
