dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
