Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
