I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I FOUND THE LEGS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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