how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
