I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
3 2 1 whiskey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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