in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
