You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
