I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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