She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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