I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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