well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
