I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
