last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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