Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
