My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
